


it really doesn't get easier, does it?

by scarsandstories



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is Dead, M/M, Sad Ending, Sad Magnus, also please dont hate me, and going to tessa for comfort, it's basically just tessa/magnus friendship but, the fic is just abt magnus being sad after alec's death, there's really not much dialogue there, yes please read the tags b4 reading the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 00:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6031134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarsandstories/pseuds/scarsandstories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Alexander Lightwood's death, Tessa does what she thinks is the right thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it really doesn't get easier, does it?

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was inspired by [this](https://twitter.com/CROWLEYBEANS/status/696064287685668864)
> 
> english isnt my first language so i apologize for the mistakes. :) if you spot one of them please tell me so i can edit!

When Alexander Lightwood died, the first person Magnus Bane went to was Tessa Gray.

He had been wearing one of Alec’s favorite ratty sweaters, which he had bought for his husband on his 30th birthday. (Tessa knows this because Magnus is his friend and Alec has become on of his closest friends, too, and he was very happy with the “ratty” sweater, as Magnus called it.)

As Tessa opened the door, the first words that came out of her mouth were: “Oh, Magnus.”

When Will Herondale died, Tessa found Magnus in Paris. He took care of her as she grieved for her husband’s death. He even told her that the first one is always the hardest, then it gets easier.

Magnus and Tessa has both fallen in love with mortals, specifically Shadowhunters, and lost them.

Magnus needs Tessa now. His face is blotchy because of crying. They entered Tessa’s house and she led him to the guest room, Magnus laid on the bed and Tessa put a blanket on him. She left the room and shut the door without saying a word. Magnus already knows she'll always be there for him.

Tessa called Catarina and told her that Magnus was with her. She really wasn’t surprised. She asked where Max is, and she said that he was with Isabelle, Clary, Jace, and Simon. It felt new to Tessa because usually, it’s Isabelle, Clary, Jace, Simon, and Alec, but Alec is gone. When the call ended, Tessa hoped that Max understood being around him is still overwhelming for his father.

\--

A week passed and Magnus barely got out of bed except to take a shower (he changed his pajamas and wore Jem’s but he still wouldn't take the sweater off) or drink water. Everytime Tessa asked him to eat breakfast, he would join her but he doesn’t eat. After Tessa finishes, he would go back to bed. Every single day he would wear the sweater. He refused when Tessa offered to watch it then she thought, she really didn’t think when she asked. Of course he would want it to smell like him. But wearing it everyday, Tessa knew it has lost its scent.

\--

Magnus wildly lies about his age. Tessa, who has been friends with the warlock for a long time (but not as long as Catarina) doesn’t know what his real age is either, but in this moment, his age doesn’t really matter. He’s experienced a lot of things more than Tessa has and definitely has fallen in love with a lot of people. She knows that he’s fallen in love with mortals but not the same way as he fell in love with Alexander Lightwood. Magnus actually settled down and married a  _ Shadowhunter _ , who is a Lightwood. Practically his mortal enemy.

 

Out of desperation, Tessa called Isabelle Lightwood and asked for one of Alec’s things -- literally anything that he owns so he could Change into him (although she didn’t tell her the last bit. No one had to know.)

Isabelle knocked on the door and asked how Magnus was. When she got her answer, she handed Tessa the scarf. It was blue; it would match Alec’s eyes.

“Thank you,” she told Isabelle. She left without asking a question. She probably figured out what Tessa is going to do with it.

**

It was two in the morning. Three weeks since Alec’s death, Tessa heard Magnus screaming. Tessa was in her room, looking at the mirror and held onto Alec’s scarf.

She watched herself as she changed into Alec Lightwood. As he grew older, he started to look more like Will. The blue eyes and dark black hair.

Tessa went to Magnus’ room and held him in her arms as he cried. She remembered him doing the exact thing for her when she woke up screaming because of Will. She remember Magnus telling her, “ _ the first one is always the hardest. _ ” She really didn’t get what he meant by that, so she asked. “ _ The first one you love who dies _ ,” Magnus had told her. “ _ It gets easier after _ .” But it really doesn’t get easier, does it? The person you felt the strongest for will always be the hardest, and it always will be. Tessa didn’t know that much about their relationship, because Magnus never told her anything that she had to keep as a secret. But she know how much they love each other--she knew that sparkle in Alec’s eyes when he told her once about their vacation in Europe--when his parents weren’t really pleased with it. Tessa became friends with Alec, but not really close, not as close as he is with Clary--but he considers her as one of his friends, too, because of Magnus. He always looked happy while talking about Magnus. Whenever Magnus would walk into the room, his face will light up, and that only happens when he sees him.

“I love you,” Tessa said. She could feel tears started to prick her eyes. She saw herself in Magnus, grieving the death of the Shadowhunter he deeply fell in love with. “Just because I’m gone doesn’t mean everything has to be terrible. You still have Max and your sister and your friends. Even though I’m not going to be here physically, I’ll still be in your heart, right? And you’re going to take care of our son.”

“You took care of me like you promised, Magnus,” Alec said. “Don’t punish yourself. Before you came into my life, it was dull. Just black and white. But when you did, you gave it color and made me the happiest man alive. I was so lucky to be your husband. You helped me accept the way I am and helped me become confident with myself. Without you, I don’t know if I would have been able to do that. I love you and our son, you’re both the greatest surprises in my life. You made me happy until my last breath. I love you, I’ll always do.”

 

Tessa held Magnus in her arms until he fell asleep. _ It was the right thing to do _ , she thought. After Will’s death, Magnus had been the one to comfort and hold her when she needed it. Magnus is the older brother she never had, the one making her feel better when everything felt like they were falling apart. It’s now her turn to take care of him.

**Author's Note:**

> im a terrible person i know but alec lightwood cant die
> 
> if u wanna fight me ?? or complain abt this im on [tumblr](https://alexandersbane.tumblr.com) !!!


End file.
